Fast 5 Stunt Training & Gurkha Video!
The sweet aroma of burning rubber signalled our arrival. For one day, ZOO were going to prance around like Vin Diesel and sod the consequences.
It started off with the gymkhana – a stunt driving session to test our speed and agility. Needless to say, we were naturals, crashing into the barrels on a mere three occasions in the space of twelve seconds. We were immediately hired for the next film.
On the timed lap we fared slightly better. Pitted against five other journos ranging from gritty publications such as Horse & Hound and Cosmopolitan, we came a respectable second overall in a time of 27.5 seconds.
The fuel girls presented us with a cap as a consolation prize and we were then forced to watch the smug winner being doused with champagne, while they giggled and flirted with him. We retreated to the bogs for a power weep.
Vengeful, we were determined to impress the ladies by our stunt fighting prowess. With a yellow belt in Judo and a course in Tai Chi, our confidence was brimming.
We were given a demonstration of a four-move combination from a fight sequence between The Rock and Vin Diesel. One wrong move, we were told, and it would be game over. Cue evil laugh.
Pairing up with our nemesis, we had a sure plan to incapacitate him. Cause a diversion and feign weakness - which came to us naturally.
A half-hour later we came to surrounded by three fuel girls looking motherly and concerned. Or we imagine that’s how they would’ve looked, if we could have torn our eyes from their epic cleavage.
But even a pulsating eye and acute nausea did not detract from our sense of victory. We had risked injury for the greater good. And it was now paying off.
Then an alarm bell sounded and they disappeared. Our nemesis sneered at the cruel desertion, and after the girls had completed the final stunt showcase for which we had been abandoned, they were swiftly bundled into a minivan.
We were left writhing in agony and received little more sympathy. At least we gave the girls our number, we consoled ourselves. At least SOMEONE cares.
A week later and we still haven’t received that phone call they promised us. It’s no big deal. They must be waiting for our black eye to get better.
Fast Five is released on Blu-ray and DVD on 5 September from Universal Pictures!
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