Guide

Review: Machete

MACHETE

We’ve seen movies based on books, games and TV shows, but this has to be the first flick to start life as a fake trailer.

In 2007, pals Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez released their Grindhouse double feature, (Deathproof and Planet Terror), with Machete one of the spoof teasers. In the end, Rodriguez loved his own trailer so much, he ran with the plot (Danny Trejo’s titular gritty Mexican labourer is bribed into bumping off Robert De Niro’s corrupt Senator) and turned it into an insanely violent, full-length romp.

Machete is forced into a killing spree to clear his name, armed with an arsenal of hedge trimmers, low-riders with RPGs and, of course, the trusty blade of the title. And extra kudos to Trejo, who nails every girl in the movie, a list that includes Jennifer Alba and Lindsay Lohan.

If you can suspend your disbelief as far as abseiling through a window on a man’s intestines goes, enjoy. If not, you’ll miss one of 2010’s guiltiest pleasures.

5-stars.gif 


STICK IT ON THE POSTER
Suspend your disbelief – Machete is unbelievably good.


THE AMERICAN

George Clooney must have really fancied an extended Italian holiday. That’s the only real reason we can think of for this throwaway piece of espionage silliness, with The Clooner playing a Yank spy hiding out in Europe.

It’s a bit like Bourne, with the pace of an old Bond, full of rather lovely scenery (including Clooney’s array of sultry women) and the odd decent one-liner.

5-stars.gif


THE GIRL WHO KICKED THE HORNET'S NEST

The final part of the Swedish crime trilogy (before Daniel Craig headlines the Hollywood remake next year) sees the breakneck pace slow with moody heroine Lisbeth in hospital.

Whilst intrepid journo Blomkvist keeps things moving by unearthing all manner of government cover-ups, but not before our heroine gets some very sweet revenge involving a nailgun.

 

5-stars.gif 

Comment using Facebook

Also available from ZOO

Meet up with sexy girls for naughty, no strings action!
Want to have sex tonight? On ZOO No Strings there are loads of girls gagging for sexy fun, with no strings attached!
Get the ZOO Magazine digital issue for your mobile or tablet!
ZOO goes pocket-size (sort of)! You can now download ZOO digital editions on the App Store or Google Play!

Remember when racers were fun? Mario is back to show us all how it's done...
Mario Kart 8 first play!

Remember when racers were fun? Mario is back to show us all how it's done...

Professor X's mutant heroes return to save the world once again.
X-Men II trailer!

Professor X's mutant heroes return to save the world once again.



Find yourself a date