Guide

Film Review: The Expendables

Check the trailers and promo material for this week's reviewed movies:

The Expendables
First, the bad things. Jason Statham’s accent is hovering somewhere over the Atlantic, Sly’s in danger of starting to look like his mum and the super-cheesy action dialogue won’t be troubling the Oscars board. But you knew all that.

What you may not know is that Sly has crafted the summer’s ultimate guilty pleasure, despite the majority of his cast qualifying for a Freedom Pass. The set-up is negligible, with Sly bringing together his band of grizzled mercenaries (including a positively prepubescent Statham, frenzied Jet Li, and ice cool Dolph Lundgren) to overhaul a corrupt, CIA-funded government.

What’s important is the fun, matey schtick between the old muckers (Mickey Rourke’s raucous introduction is hilarious and Arnie and Bruce’s ridiculous cameos are well worth waiting for) and, of course, the action. All this and some preposterously enormous explosions mean we can’t recommend it enough.

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STICK IT ON THE POSTER:
Sequel, please. If everyone’s still able to walk unaided.


Piranha 3D
Forget Avatar, this is what 3D was really brought back for. Massive, killer piranhas and Kelly Brooks’ titanic boobs jiggling right up in your face! Naturally, the movie’s a little bit rubbish, as a prehistoric band of man-eating fish terrorise a town of half-naked spring break revellers. But c’mon, Kelly Brook’s naked! Maybe best to wait and save up for a 3D TV and get the Blu-ray…

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Salt

If the week’s other two movies are simplicity personified, this is a slightly dull, over-complicated bore-fest. And that’s despite the film opening with Angelina Jolie being tortured in her underwear, and doing most of her own stunts throughout. She’s a rogue CIA spy, who might be working for the Soviets. But might not. You won’t really care after about 20 minutes. More reason to hope Bond can be brought back.

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