Crouchie! What’s life like at Spurs these days?
The atmosphere’s great because there are a few noisy lads in the dressing room. Jonathan Woodgate, Robbie Keane and David Bentley are the liveliest, but Jermain Defoe looks after the music. It’s the usual R&B or funky house, which
I don’t mind. Although, if I was in charge, I’d play some Kings Of Leon, Kasabian or The Kooks. Harry Redknapp loves his old-school guitar action, so he’d be looking to whack that on.

Does the squad hang out together after training?
Yeah, we play a lot of golf. Me and Bentley play against Keane and Carlo Cudicini. We stole one the other day, no thanks to me! I play off 28 and I’m usually hopeless.

The Spurs squad picked up a reputation for drinking last season. Have you got involved yet?
Well, Harry’s had a big clampdown. Until we went out last week, we hadn’t had a night out since I arrived.
I was well disappointed – I moved to a London club and didn’t even get to go out. Not even for a bit of karaoke!

And which karaoke songs would you be singing?
I love Blame It On The Boogie by The Jackson 5. And MC Hammer’s Can’t Touch This always goes down well. I tend to go for karaoke tracks that allow me to incorporate some dance moves…

Which leads us neatly on to The Robot. Would you be tempted to bring it out of retirement if you score the winner in the North London derby this weekend?
In the big games, I always have something up my sleeve, so watch out! I don’t regret doing The Robot – football’s supposed to be a laugh. As a kid, I watched Roger Milla do his corner flag celebration at the 1990 World Cup for Cameroon and that inspired me.

Why do you think Redknapp is so obsessed with you?
Ha ha! Well, to be fair, he has only signed me twice. He inherited me a few times and has also sold me a couple of times, too – so it’s not all love from Harry! Everyone always talks about him being an old-school boss.

Is that true, or a bit of a myth?
It really is “what you see is what you get”. The best thing about him is that if you play crap, he’ll tell you. I’ve never had it too bad, but I’ve seen him really hammer a few players over the years. He tells you to your face if he thinks you should’ve scored – like he did with Darren Bent last season – but then he also tells everyone you’re the best player in the world if you get a goal.

How confident are you of making the World Cup squad?
If I’m playing and scoring goals for a successful team, I think I’ll go to South Africa. And I believe we can win the World Cup. The way we’ve played under Fabio Capello has given everyone belief, so as long as we practice penalties, we’ll be fine…

And how are your penalties?
They’re not bad. I used to take them at Southampton and once scored a last-minute winner against Portsmouth in the FA Cup. But like any good English player, I’ve had a few misses, too!

What’s the worst thing a fan’s ever yelled at you?
I’m not sure about the worst, but I know the most common. When I’m warming up on the touchline, I’m always told to “sit down!” – to be fair, no one in the front eight rows can see! One fella eating a burger said it to me once and he wasn’t the slimmest of blokes. I turned around and suggested he should swap the burger for a Bovril, which got a good reaction from the crowd.

We hear you’re a big tennis fan…
Yeah, I’ve always been into the big servers. I had the choice as a kid when I was playing county-level tennis to pursue that or football.
I made the right decision, but I’d love a year on the tour. Mind you, I’ve got a great first serve, but if you get it back to me, I’m struggling.

How are you and Abbey Clancy coping with the whole celebrity couple thing?
We just like to get on with our own thing and keep it low-key. I managed to drag her to the cinema to see Inglourious Basterds the other day. She had zero interest, but I was dead pleased with it.

Finally, have you got any tips for ZOO on how to pull such an amazing girlfriend?
Yeah: sign for a Premier League football team. Done.

Peter Crouch was talking at the Sony Twilight Football event, staged to demonstrate Sony’s new range of cameras for low-light shooting. For more info, visit www.sony.co.uk