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ZOO's Funniest Man Of The Week: Award-Winning Comic Carl Donnelly

Bruce Willis is reportedly upset about not being able to leave his iTunes library to his kids when he dies because of Apple’s strict sharing policy.

That’s understandable, but why doesn’t he just leave them his login details? What is he trying to hide? I’ve instantly gone from supporting him in his battle against a major corporation to suspecting his laptop is hiding all sorts of filth!

Computer porn

This has given me a fun idea. As a final prank before I die, I’m going to fill my computers and hard drives with as much porn as possible – and leave each family member a different one in my Will. The fallout will mean they won’t be able to remember me the way I was, but instead as some sort of secret degenerate.

One person will get normal, innocent stuff, though, just to make it weirder when they eventually discuss it as a family. Someone will finally build up the courage to raise the topic and explain that they received a compendium of debauched antics.

At that point, they will all open up and talk about what horrible things they’ve got, but one person will be sitting there thinking, “All I got was a bunch of Bon Jovi albums and the Ice Age films!”

Yippee ki-yay!

Anyway, back to Bruce. Apparently, his iTunes library is worth about $40,000, which is probably why he isn’t keen on burning it onto disks. One album usually takes 10 minutes! He’d be dead by the time he’d finished $10k’s worth.

The only solution is for Bruce to get his Die Hard vest on, jump down an elevator shaft and take Apple down the John McClane way!

Carl Donnelly’s show 'Different Gravy' is on now. Check out www.carldonnelly.co.uk

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