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ZOO's Mad Speedboat Through London!

When ZOO were challenged to come up with the most bloody mental thing to do with a London stag group, it wasn’t long before a clear winning idea emerged: the chance to spend 90 minutes sh**ting bricks and holding on for dear life on a London RIB Voyages speedboat down the Thames!

Filming the video above on the ZOO iPhone, it was all we could do to keep hold of the bugger. That, and creasing up at the absurdity of motoring over the murky Big Smoke currents to the Baywatch theme tune.

The Sights
Heading out sedately from the pier by the London Eye, Steve, steering the ship, suddenly gets a glint in his eye as we pass under Tower Bridge. That’s where the speed restrictions on the Thames end, and he whips us off towards Canary Wharf, pulling donuts and inducing brown trousers among 12 previously unsoiled men.

The "Facts"
He thrashed us around all the way to the Thames Barrier and back, before our guide Chris comes and has a chat to us when we’re back past the Bridge again. Chris told us the following things - but we have no idea whether they’re true or not:

- In 1952, as Tower Bridge began to open in the middle to let a ship through, a bus driver panicked and sped up to jump the gap. He actually cleared a six-foot gap with a full bus – and inexplicably got an award for bravery. Those must have been more understanding times.

- A fox was found on the 70th floor of Europe’s tallest building, The Shard skyscraper, eating a builder’s lunch.

- You can sleep overnight on HMS Belfast, the Thames’ massive moored battleship.

Chris also encouraged us to wave at anyone we saw taking a sauna beneath Cannon Street Station. Sure enough, a man in his underpants turned bright puce and covered his face in shame as cheering ZOO Man and his cronies passed by.

The Famous
We discovered we weren’t the only household name to have taken a RIB voyage. Famous names who have also pooped themselves at high speed on the river have been Bon Jovi, Roger Federer, Rafael Nadal, Boris Johnson, the people from The Gadget Show, the entire Chelsea team and... Mick Hucknall. But don’t let that put you off.

To have your own mad speedboat adventure, book with London RIB Voyages! Book by the end of March 2012, and get a 10% discount using the code "ZOO Fan".

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ZOO Man by the speedboat

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