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Toilet Attendant Sayings And Songs!

Last week, we went down to the pub. Now, you may think this isn't an extraordinary occasion.

"But ZOO, you go down the pub pretty often. In fact, you're quite pub-friendly people. Maybe you go down the pub too much, if anything." This is all quite accurate, apart from going to the pub too much (sorry mum).

The talk covered the usual ZOO-y topics - y'know, the recession, the increasing price of cotton, and how long the after-effects of Pat Butcher's death will be felt around Albert Square.

But suddenly, we heard a toilet attendant - those soap-offering men who are always forthcoming in their pun-based sales patter - bust out something we've never heard before: "No sanitation, no penetration." Amazing (but nothing quite like what you can see on the video above).

This got us thinking of more of their famous sayings and songs. Naturally, we took to our @ZOO_UK Twitter page and asked you for your favourite #ToiletAttendantSayings. The response was incredible, and here's some of our favourites:

- No Armani, no punani
- No splash, no gash
- No Dolce & Gabbana, no sucky your banana
- No sanitation, no penetration
- No soap, no hope
- If you stink, you'll get no pink
- No spray, no lay
- Freshen up, freshen up, you've got to freshen up (sang to the tune of Danzel's Pump It Up)
- @RobbieSmythe - Freshen up for the ladies
- @NiaomiMaiden - No Hugo Boss, no cheeky toss
- @James_Easton - Wash your fingers for the mingers, and your toes for the hoes
- @Cragga1981 - No glove, no love
- @DanielPrice85 - No smelling reem, you might as well dream
- @MikeG1788 - No Joop, no hoop
- @The_Charlie_Z - Freshen up for the pussayyyy
- @LBoylo - No Davidoff, no sucky off

And then, out of nowhere, @Safe_Hands_25 sent us this picture - which we can only assume is the instructional guide to all those toilet attendants just starting out...

Toilet Attendant Sayings And Songs Quotes Funny Pub Washroom Restroom Nightclub

We're now pretty comfortable with finishing any sentence they throw at us, no matter how many pints we've had to drink away the depression of Pat's EastEnders demise. You should too.

God speed, toilet attendants.

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