Here’s a staggering fact: a record 2.74 million of us in the UK are now jobless and statistically, Wolverhampton, in the West Midlands, is the Ground Zero of this mass unemployment. But while the Government may have given up on finding a solution, ZOO hasn’t. Not by a long way!

Our brilliant plan? Create some jobs! Well, one job. But possibly the greatest job in the known universe. It’s called “ZOO Bikini Technician” and we’d like to explain what it is, but truth be told, we don’t really know. Loosely, it’s something to do with tweaking a bikini. And it’s paid work! Although the salary’s just a measly one pound. Plus it’s a short-term contract. A few seconds. But still, it’s a job.

Confident our new vacancy might help Wolverhampton’s dire situation, we shot up there with 30F ZOO newbie Zoe to find us some employees. And, within minutes of arriving, we weren’t disappointed. Job-seeking locals desperate to fill the position queued down the High Street and boy were they happy to be in work again. Even briefly.

“This really is fantastic,” said jobless – then ZOO employee, then jobless again – Andy Jackson, 26. “Thank you so much for your help!”

In all, we employed 50 people! We might have only scratched the surface of that 2.74 million figure, but it’s a start. Jobless Britain: if you need ZOO’s (albeit very brief, but spirit-lifting) help, email us now at letters@zootoday.com and we’ll see what we can do!