A lot of modern art – by which, of course, we mean all of it – is rubbish. So we were pretty astounded to learn of the new One & Other art initiative currently on show in London.

It gives anyone the option to show off for one hour, every hour, 24 hours a day, for an inexplicable 100 days, on top of a massive plinth in the capital’s otherwise brilliant Trafalgar Square. And it’s all televised to the world on a live internet feed via several webcams.

So, we thought we’d make it infinitely better by having a go ourselves and getting something worth looking at (a hot ZOO babe) up there. But with 23,384 applicants for just 2,400 available spaces, there was no chance. But that wasn’t going to stop us, as you can see in the video below.

Cue 32E ZOO girl Sammie Pennington and two very large balloons. With nipples. Because if our girl couldn’t go up on the plinth, we were going to deliver the next best thing: two enormous floating tits, in full view of everyone, to liven proceedings up. Now that’s art!

And the public agreed! When we showed up, some bloke was up reading children’s stories. But with Sammie in her bikini and a pair of giant, helium-inflated breasts suspended several feet above her – expertly guided in-frame of the cameras capturing the action for Sky Arts and its website (www.oneandother.co.uk) – we stole the show!

Well, until security ran over and frog-marched us off. The spoilsports. Art world? You have been officially given the ZOO treatment! Don’t make us come back a second time…