Big News
ROLLING BACK THE YEARS: A 71-year-old man, Geoffrey Dornan, has been fined £300 with £1,792 in costs for rollerblading in busy areas, allegedly risking the safety of pedestrians. But fear not, the active OAP is set to appeal.

FAREWELL FERRARI: A £150,000 F340 Spider F1 black Ferrari - belonging to Middlesbrough midfielder Gary O'Neil - was stolen from a petrol station as he paid for fuel - although since the footy star left the keys in the ignition, we can hardly say we're surprised! The crafty thief, Philip McNamara of Hull, was caught and will be sent down for 10 weeks.

IMMENSELY FISHY CATCH: Ian Welch, 45, caught a 771lb (that's 55.07 stone!) stingray in the Maeklong River in Thailand after a 90-minute struggle with the 7ft by 7ft beast. He has also set a new World Record for the biggest freshwater fish ever caught.

THIS ONE'S A REAL PAIGE TURNER: A new study has reported the funniest names in Britain. Try these on for size: Mary Christmas, Justin Case, Paige Turner, Ray Gunn, Helen Back, Stan Still, Lee King, Tim Burr and Anna Sasin. No, we're not even Jo King.

Trivia Of The Day
On this day in 1974, Cassius Clay, 22, is crowned heavyweight champion after a shock win over Sonny Liston.

Weird But True
A three-bed home, which was built in a cave by a family in Missouri, has been put up for sale on eBay for £210,000. 

News In Numbers
£1,000,000: Dannii Minogue's new salary per X-Factor series thanks to threats to quit from fellow fit judge Cheryl Cole.

Sports Stats & Facts
Wigan centre-back Titus Bramble's first celebrity crush was Jet from Gladiators. We're definitely with you on that one, Titus!

Sport In Numbers
194: The number of consecutive weeks Tiger Woods has been the world's number one golfer since June 2005. Despite being injured for the last 37 weeks, no one has toppled Tiger from the top of the rankings.

Quote Of The Day
'I'm a horse in a field. And there are guinea pigs all around me - it's a nightmare.' New Arsenal recruit Andrei Arshavin relives his recurring dream in terrifying detail. You might want to lay off the cheese and vodka, comrade.

Joke Of The Day
Thirteen-year-old dad Alfie Patten has joined Fathers-4-Justice. He doesn't understand the politics but at least he already has a Spider-Man costume.
Chris Burton, Newcastle

Hot Video
Family Guy creator Seth MacFarlane provides some comedy gold with these hilarious short animations. Fred Flintstone and Barney Rubble mouth off to a nightclub bouncer after being refused entry and a 'horse walks into a bar' joke becomes a reality.

Babe Of The Day
Little Britain's David Walliams may be camp as Christmas but you can't argue with the ladies he goes out with. Abi Titmuss, Emily Scott and now, 18-year-old stunner Lauren Budd. We're talking double D. The pair were snapped partying with Walliams throwing some shapes similar to an embarrassing uncle at a wedding. If Lauren wants to see some real moves she should come and watch the ZOO office dance-off. It rocks.

Links Of The Day
What Fresh Hell Is This: A rude, crass and very un-pc website, that's why we love it. Basically a series of comic strips of the variety you would never find in shops, with such office favourites as 'The Shut-the-fuck-up-asaurus' and 'How did I get here'.

Wednesday's TV Highlights
Real Madrid vs Liverpool: Spurs failure Juande Ramos has turned around Real's fortunes recently and with seven wins on the spin, Rafa may be ranting again after this one. Good news for Reds fans is that Stevie G should be back to partner Fernando Torres so more chance of that precious away goal to take back to Anfield. (7.30pm, Sky Sports 2)

FM: The new offering from IT Crowd funnyman Chris O'Dowd and celebrity-mocking sketch show enthusiast Kevin Bishop. The pair star as boozy radio DJs in this new sitcom so cue pushy band managers, diva behaviour and plenty of skinny jeans. Look out for guest appearances from the likes of Tim Westwood. (10.30pm, ITV2)

PUB FACT: Lauren Budd changed her professional name to Violet when she began modeling and has appeared on the cover of Boots magazine.

Yesterday's Poll Result
Who is the fittest former air hostess?
Danielle Bux: 56%
Evangeline Lilly: 37%
Alex Best: 7%