So, Vinnie Jones' Toughest Cops. Aren't you just copying Ross Kemp?

The show's a bit like Ross Kemp On Gangs, yeah - the coppers we feature in the show are like gangs themselves! In Colombia, our cameraman was flown into a cocaine camp with the police. He asked one of them what they were going to do, and he just said, "Run!" They blew up the whole place, and we got it all on camera. That's why the show is the dog's bollocks!

So you weren't out there then?

No, I was doing a movie with Jack Black called Year One. We couldn't get round it, so they said they‘d just make it my show and have me linking up all of the footage. I just tell the audience what they need to know.

Were your past run-ins with the police part of the reason you got this gig?

I was the obvious choice! They shoot first and ask questions later in some of these places. If the British police took the same line, I might not be standing now! I've had a few kicks up the arse from coppers in the past ...

Are you still playing football out in Los Angeles?

Yeah. I've just formed my own team, actually: Hollywood Allstars. We've got Calum Best, who's a handy striker, Ruud Gullit - even though he's left LA Galaxy - and a few English stand-up comedians. We train on Thursday nights and play on Sundays. The team I used to play for - Hollywood FC - have [ex Chelsea and France defender] Franck LeBoeuf and Steve Jones from the Sex Pistols. I left them to start up the Allstars.

Do you find yourself having to show the Yanks that "soccer" is a man's game?

We played against a guy just recently who plays for the LA Lakers - a big French guy who was about 7ft tall! I kept giving him the old bodycheck, and he didn't like it. They don't like the rough stuff. We get a bit carried away at times, what with us having a few English lads! It can get a bit lively!

Is it true you were once offered a trial for LA Galaxy?

Yeah, it was when I was playing for Hollywood United about seven years ago. I smashed a couple in and some geezer came up to me with his card: he was a scout for the LA Galaxy, but I told him he was 15 years too late!

Is Becks as famous out in LA as we're led to believe?

His profile is massive, but she's [Victoria] the one keeping that up. She's one of those that has to have the whole shop closed if she goes shopping. I reckon it's in case her credit card doesn't go through - saves her any embarrassment!

Do you still follow Premier League football?

Nah. Football was my life for 30 years, but I have other interests now. Plus there wouldn't be room for the Crazy Gang in today's game. The players are too distant from the fans. Back then, even when we were playing Manchester United or Tottenham at home, the clubhouse was the supporters' clubhouse too.

How do you think Ronaldo would handle having his suit set on fire?

Exactly! If we showed the foreign players a 10 minute video of our preparation for a game or what we did in training - slinging people in the river and burning their clothes when they joined - they wouldn't even get on the fucking plane!

Do you fear for football's future?

We shouldn't keep kidding ourselves. English football will be extinct just like the Crazy Gang soon - they'll both be in the same coffin. You just cannot keep bringing in foreigners and fans have to take their share of the blame. They want success, so they allow the foreigners to come in - but then sit there and complain about the England team being shit. They're the ones shooting their own national team in the foot. The reality is England weren't in the Euros and that was a fucking disgrace. And it's only going to get worse. In 10 years we'll have to have a Great Britain team because we won't have the players for a single England team!

Do you look at players today and worry it's not a man's game now?

What happened to a Tuesday night game against Torquay, in four-foot of mud, slinging in a few tackles? Physios these days are just masseurs! In our day you'd have to stitch your fucking leg back on! Have you seen the way some of them roll around? Its not the English lads doing it.

Do you see JT rolling around 15 times if he's been kicked or ripped his tights?

I don't think so...

l Vinnie Jones' Toughest Cops starts on Monday 8 September, 10pm, ITV4

PUB FACT: Vinnie says you can watch more Premier League football in the States than you can in the UK: "It's on 24 hours a day"