SAMMY 'THE BOOB BOMBER' BRADDY

Boob battle record
“They’re feisty, strong and up for a challenge. I’ve taken on Katie-Marie ‘Mam Killer’ Cork in the past and had a tough time, although I came out on top, naturally. My team [me and the boobs] are a good stable. We’ve been together for a while now.”

Best boob performance
“They are not allowed out on their own, but can be quite a handful during a night on the town. As well as getting cheers and applause in nearly every bar we visit, they once received a standing ovation in my local – a proud moment.”

Knockout boob moves
“The flying boob lunge always works. You take a running jump and pounce on your opponent with the full force of your chest. Devastating.”

Boob training
“They’ve got a special routine of exercises with weighted bras and nipple tassles. Afterwards, a firm massage is required to keep them supple and in tip-top condition. We are in talks at the moment to release our own workout DVD, too.”