1) REAL SPECIAL POWERS!

Balls to fighting evil and protecting the world - special powers should be used purely for personal amusement. Like X-ray vision to see through ladies' clothes. Similarly, this collection of unusually-blessed misfits demonstrate their talents purely for our entertainment. Includes the Spiderman-like rock climbing where now-dead daredevil Dan Osman shoots up a cliff in record time; too-clever-by-half techno dweebs showing off their invisibility cloak; a complete nutbar that manages to discharge electricity through his fingertips after sticking his digits in ‘leccy places they most definitely should not go; a dude dicking about with lasers to burn stuff; and bionic arms allowing a tetraplegic near you to play basketball very soon...

2) GO CANDICE!

Courtroom-based skit with hottie Candice Michelle needlessly twirling about. Satisfyingly, said twirling does help jiggle about her massive guns in her skimpy top.

3) CATS: NOT VERY NICE

One puppet dog's musical diatribe about the arrogant air given off by cats. Not sophisticated, but accurately describes the most ungrateful of domestic pets.

4) THRILLER IN MANILA

Imaginative prison guards in Manila get several hundred inmates to master Michael Jackson's Thriller dance. Getting served for life means just that in Philippino lag-speak.

5) FIZZY JERK

Bloke 'daringly' drops fizzy sweets in his beer. His comeuppance is a warning to anyone thinking about further polluting the web with such idiocy involving a certain carbonated drink and mentos.

6) RALLY CRASHES

Superior to your run-of-the-mill F1 crash involving simple equation of car and concrete, rally crashes offer better value with trees, hills, waterfalls and raccoons in the mix.

7)  APOCALYPSE PONY

In the future, the population problem will be dealt with by girls' toys from the 1980s that exterminate kids that don't behave as they should. Father Christmas will be chuffed to bits.